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Hey Peeps, its been a while but….HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Now that I’ve gotten that out the way, let me share some stuff with you.

I’ve never been one to really celebrate my birthday. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in a family that was raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses (half of my family that is). And while during most of my childhood and a good chunk of my late teens, none of them were really living in the truth the way they should have been, the values and practices were instilled in them as they were in me. And anybody that knows a thing or two about Witnesses knows that they do not celebrate birthdays. Kind of sucks when you’re growing up. But like I said, they weren’t living in the truth the way they should have been. And in this instance I am referring to my mother. Because while my mom was raised a witness, she would sometimes celebrate my birthday every few years. This could have been due to the fact that my father was not a witness. He was raised a Catholic – and Catholics celebrate birthdays. So I think there was bit of compromise there. For instance, I did have a nice first birthday party (from what I’m told) with family and friends of the family. Over the years, sometimes my mom would bring in pizza/cupcakes to school for my birthday. I did have a really nice “surprise” 10th birthday party. And a couple of other nice ones celebrated by my mom after that. But it was never consistent, and it was never expected. Except for one year – I was very crushed when she didn’t throw me a 13th birthday party. I was so excited to be a teenager, and I wanted a proper celebration. It didn’t happen. And I think because that didn’t happen, it lead me to where I am today which is…I don’t usually care to celebrate. That experience humbled me enough to know that my birthday is just like any other day. Unless it’s a big year, I don’t expect to do or receive much on my “special day”. With that said, I did party nicely when I turned 25 at my then favorite club/lounge, “Slate” in NYC. And I went hard for my dirty 30. I spent the first part in Iceland for 5 days, and then I spent my actual 30th birthday getting drunk at the “Bacardi Rum Factory” in Puerto Rico. And let me tell you, that was exactly how I wanted to spend both birthdays. I have no regrets, and I will cherish those memories for life. And I’m already in the process of planning 35 😉

Now that you have that little bit of backstory, I will say that today I am 32 years old.

32!!!

And today, I am going to work. I had originally requested the day off because I wanted to spend the morning getting pancakes (I’ve been on a pancake craze lately) and then have the rest of the day for reflection and planning. But I decided I would rather go to work. Why? Because while my job isn’t easy, I still enjoy it. And more importantly, I like my coworkers. I did request one of them to make me Turon (a traditional Filipino desert) that I love, and that was it. As long as she brings it in, I’ll be quite happy. Another reason I decided to go into work is because my life has been experiencing a lot of turmoil and trauma lately. Something I will surely write about once I can fully process it and feel strong enough to open up about everything. I’m very fortunate to have a job that I enjoy and allows me to smile and laugh. I made the decision to spend “my day” there. Not to celebrate, but so that I can not feel as much pain.

Because I am going to be at work today, I won’t have as much time to reflect the way I wanted to. That’s actually okay, I spend a lot of time reflecting in one way or another. But that is why I wanted to post this blog now. Because I want to put it out there what my plans are for my next year of life. I am not going say these are goals, but promises to myself. They are as follows:

1. I will stop questioning my worth and what I deserve.
2. I will put my physical and mental health first, and seek help when needed.
3. I will pursue my two big career goals (ACE certified and become certified as a real estate agent).
4. I will start saving.
5. I will keep blogging.
6. I will start writing. Writing is my therapy.
7. I will never let anyone make me feel less than I am. I AM a good person.
8. I will respect myself and how I feel.
9. I will start planning to be a mother.

Those are my promises. If I stick to them then this time next year, I will not be in same space. And that is my goal for 32. To not be where I am today – but better. To always be better.

Happy Birthday, Nat.